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Confessions of a Mr. Mom ~ How loss led me to become a better parent. When I was a teenager, my father and I were at odds w th each other. He hated my ong ha r; he was ant pathet c to my dream of becom ng a wr ter; and t seemed ke we argued about everyth ng. Worst of a , he so was consumed w th runn ng h s construct on bus ness that when he got home fromwork, he d dn t want to be bothered by me. He just wanted to have a cockta , watch the n ght y news, and unwnd. I sort of understood that part, but I st resented he never had t me for me. Then about the t me I graduated h gh schoo , he changed. It wasn t ke Mark Twa n s observat on of h s father, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so gnorant I cou d hard y stand to have the o d man around. But when I got to be 21, I was aston shed at how much the o d man had earned n seven years.” My father genu ne y changed. Perhaps he was see ng the ght at the end of the parent ng tunne w th me go ng to co ege n the fa . He started treat ng me better - ke an adu t. He wanted to spend t me w th me. We had amaz ng conversat ons; and I fe n ove w th h m aga n. I reca my mother and I compet ng for h s attent on when he came home from work. It wasn t to ast; a year ater, I ost hm to a stroke. I was devastated. I had just rega ned my dad, and then he was gone. Wh e I re - shed that one year n my memory, I st fe t deep y cheated. It was a gr evous oss wh ch st resonated w th me 20 years ater when I became a parent. I was determned to spend enough t me w th my ch dren so they wou d never fee the same oss I fe t. It mot vated every aspect of my be ng a parent. Desp te th s des re, I never ant c pated be ng the fu -t me parent. A month before my f rst son was born, my w fe announced she was not qu tt ng her job. I was dumbfounded, I thought we had agreed she wou d be a stay-at-home mom. I made enough money, so she d dn t need to work. I was torn up by her dec s on, but I a ways wanted her to be happy, so I cap tu ated. Then a week before our son was born, prov dence struck. I was a d off from my job. I became a fu -t me stay-at-home dad. I returned to se f-emp oyment (wr t ng and ater speak ng), and for the next three years, my ncome rema ned near y what I had earned at my ast job. Then our second son was born. Once he became a todd er, my hands were fu , and my career started gett ng pushed to the back burner. It d dn t seem to matter as my w fe had started a bus ness and t was becomng qu te successfu . Be ng a fu -t me dad, however, requ red a ser ous menta adjustment. I was ra sed n a trad t ona nuc ear fam y by my mother. So, when anyone ca ed me “Mr. Mom”, I wou d cr nge. When I took my sons to the park, I wou d be the on y dad. I watched as a the moms wou d c uster together and ta k, wh e I fe t ke a freak sh outs der. Eventua y, I came to embrace t. I was v ng my dream of spend ng p enty of t me w th my k ds, and they needed, wanted, and demanded so much of t! Over the years, I wou d s ng them to s eep w th “Take Me Out to the Ba Game”. (D d you know t s the number one u aby fathers s ng to the r ch dren? That s because t s the on y song we know a the words to! I forced myse f to earn the yr cs of other songs, just so I cou d offer them some var ety. Sp derman was the r favor te.) Every n ght, I read to them or made up stor es. Later, I taught them to read, so they wou d have a head start n schoo . We even conducted exc t ng sc ence exper ments wh ch usua y nvo ved f re or burn ng th ngs. When my o dest son was e ght, my w fe to d me she was eav ng the marr age. Reta n ng custody, I became a fu -t me s ng e father. That s when my dream turned nto a cha enge. I cont nued to put my ch dren f rst, even as I batt ed the depress on of d vorce. I coached the r soccer and baseba teams. I ed the r Cub Scout pack. I he ped them w th homework and prepared a the r mea s. I earned a v ng when I cou d, but t cont nued to take a backseat to spend ng t me w th my ch dren. I taught them r ght from wrong, boosted the r conf dence, and encouraged the r ndependence. Most of a , I gave them ove. A woman I dated, who had never had ch dren, broke up w th me because she cou dn t understand why I attended my ch - dren s games and other events on the weekends they were w th the r mom. For a wh e after, I wou d on y date women who had ch dren. Now I am see ng the ght at the end of the parent ng tunne . Andy soon graduates h gh schoo . Evan s a ready at co ege. When he was home recent y, we were ta k- ng and he to d me how h s best fr end s father passed away when he was on y ten. I sa d I understood how hard t must have been because os ng my dad at 19 was hard enough. He then threw h s arms around me and hugged me ke he was never go ng to et go. I sa d, “Hey, I m not go ng anywhere.” In my heart I knew when I do, he be okay . Robert Robert may be contacted via e-mail to michele@ worldwidedrillingresource.com The Un-Comfort Zone II by Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. 48 JULY 2016 WorldWide Drilling Resource ®