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The Un-Comfort Zone II by Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. Who Deserves Your Loyalty? I lost one of my best friends to cancer recently. Ken and I had been friends for 45 years. We attended high school and college together. As we got older, work and family kept us from spending time together more than two or three times a year, however, we spoke on the phone every week. I’ve been thinking about what made him a “best friend,” and the word that keeps coming to mind is loyalty. Ken and I differed in our politics and our religion, yet it never had an impact on our friendship. Ken had my back, as the saying goes, and I always knew if I needed help in a pinch, he was the one I could count on showing up. After my divorce, he checked in frequently to see how I was feeling. He was supportive of my challenging career choices, and regularly sent me business leads. I looked online for a definition of the word loyal, and while most of them suggest it is an allegiance to a government, insti- tution, religion, cause, product, or a person, it is my humble opinion that loyalty or being loyal can only be to people. To me, loyalty is being faithful and devoted to someone; it is giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person. “You cannot buy loyalty; you cannot buy the devotion of hearts, minds, and souls. You have to earn these things.” ~ Clarence Francis, former Chairman of the Board for General Foods I’ve wondered what motivation lies behind loyalty, and I realize it isn’t a one-way street. It must be given if one expects to receive it. Loyalty is a survival mechanism which dates back to our caveman days. In the harsh environment of early man, giving and receiving support from the members of your family, tribe, or clan meant the difference between life and death. According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy : “Arguably, the test of loyalty is conduct rather than intensity of feel- ing, primarily a certain ‘stickingness’ or perseverance - the loyal person acts for, or stays with, or remains committed to the object of loyalty even when it is likely to be disadvantageous or costly to the loyal person to do so.” I believe loyalty depends on honesty. If you can’t trust me, then you cannot be loyal to me. Loyalty means I keep my word and follow through on my commitments. It means I support you in your interests and endeavors, even if I don’t share them. If you are passionate about something, I want to be your cheerleader. As a loyal friend, I offer you empathy instead of judgment. There is, however, a limit to this. If you expect me to suspend my judgment and support you in something I think is wrong or dangerous, then it is within my right to refuse. “I place an enormous premium on loyalty. If someone betrays me, I can forgive them rationally, but emotionally I have found it impossible to do so.” ~ Richard E. Grant, actor There is perhaps nothing more hurtful than to find you’ve been betrayed by someone to whom you have been loyal. As an adult I felt betrayed by another friend, but later on realized it was not betrayal as he had a higher loyalty to another person, which superseded his loyalty to me. Unfortunately, one loyalty can trump another. To avoid such a situation, one must explore deeper and learn if higher loyalties exist before committing assets which could be lost. And then there is stupid loyalty, which is staying in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you, care for you, or make you feel safe. I stayed in a loveless marriage years longer than I should have because of the commitment I made on my wedding day: “To love, honor, and cherish until death do us part.” I foolishly felt I had to honor the commitment, even though my wife had long quit returning it. Fortunately, she divorced me, because at the time I still couldn’t violate my commitment and initiate divorce proceedings against her. Loyalty still exists today, even though it is not as necessary to survival as it once was. Knowing how and why loyalty works will help us decide rationally who deserves our devotion. There is nothing better than having a friend on whom you can always depend. I lost one of my best, and I’m poorer for it. Robert Robert is an author, humorist, and innovation consultant. He works with companies that want to be more com- petitive and with people who want to think like innovators. For more information on Robert, visit www.RobWilsonSpeaker.com or contact him via e-mail to michele@ worldwidedrillingresource.com 8 APRIL 2019 WorldWide Drilling Resource ® Open the Doorway to all the Event Photos during . . . To see all the photos from this event, go to www.worldwidedrillingresource.com or click here. Feel free to download at will and print the photo(s) of your choice. Compliments of WorldWide Drilling Resource ® . Photos are copyrighted and released for personal use only - no commercial use permitted.