WorldWide Drilling Resource

42 DECEMBER 2013 WorldWide Drilling Resource ® The Un-Comfort Zone II by Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. The Crash After the Crush - Intense emotional pain drove me to discover its true source. “Look, Daddy, there’s a Taco Bell at the next exit!” I grimaced when I saw which exit he was pointing out. My first thought was to say, “No, there are other Taco Bells closer to home,” but then I thought, “That’s ridiculous, I’m not going to let unpleasant memories of my ex prevent me from going into this area of town.” I pulled off the interstate. As I turned onto the familiar road I’d driven hundreds of times during the past two years, an overwhelming sense of gloom descended over my body. Sud- denly, the joyful afternoon spent with my sons at the movies was gone. The sad- ness I’d managed to escape for a few short hours was back. The crushing sense of loss settled heavily in my chest; and I was glad I was wearing sunglass- es so my children could not see the tears welling up in my eyes. I was devastated by the breakup, but I was confused as to why. I was the one who ended the relationship. I had grown tired of the criticism, the manip- ulation, the lack of respect. I felt like I was doing all the giving, but received little in return. I felt I could never do enough to please her. More than anything, it was that I still didn’t knowwhere I stoodwith her after two years of dating. One day she’d say she loved me, then the next she would ignore me. It was after a particularly long period of ignoring me that I had enough and ended the relationship. After I said goodbye, what I never expected - could not anticipate - was the incredible pain that swept over me. I had never felt anything like it before. It was much worse than what I felt after my divorce. And, to top it off, despite all my reasons for leaving her, I still want- ed to be with her. That was when I con- cluded something was seriously wrong with me. I needed to know why. I was driven by my severe emo- tional pain to seek answers, because I never wanted to feel that bad again. I didn’t know where to begin, so I set off on what I called a journey of self-dis- covery. It started with writing in my jour- nal which is how I collect my thoughts and work through problems. As I wrote, exploring my feelings, I noticed I had a pattern. All of my long-term relationships had been with women who had similar personality traits to my ex. How could this be, I wondered. The women I dated had diverse backgrounds, and vastly different physical appearances. The next thing I did was read. I searched the self-help section of the book store and bought dozens of books. I was reading some great stuff, but I still wasn’t finding what I was looking for. I scoured the Web for articles that might give me a clue as to why I was attracted to a specific personality type. I was getting a good picture of the type of person who attracted me, but I still lacked the reason. After many months, my reading lead me to a therapist. My therapist showed me I was attracted to women who shared my mother’s personality traits. I said, “That can’t be true, my mother was a wonderful person.” What I did not realize, was I was more attracted to my mother’s negative traits than her positive ones. My mother passed away 20 years earlier, and I was selectively remembering only good things about her which explained why I had difficulty accepting the bad ones. In time, I was able to recall physical and verbal abuse I experienced as a child, which led to my creating protective behavior patterns I have followed ever since. My therapist taught me how I acquired, during my childhood years, subconscious beliefs about myself which guided my actions, and had for decades. She also taught me how to change those beliefs. I was highly motivated by psychic pain to find out why I felt the way I did, so I could prevent its return. Emotional pain can also cause people to get depressed and shut down.Alongmy journey, I experienced that too. There were days when my cre- ative energy ebbed, and it was difficult to go to work (see my February 2012 WWDR article: How to Move Forward ). Over time, as I studied and came to understand the causes, my pain went away. I learned to recognize women’s traits that triggered my old beliefs so I could avoid them. Today, I’m engaged to a woman who shares some of my mother’s positive traits of wit, flair, and exuberance. Like physical pain, which I explored in my last article, emotional or psychic pain can shut you down or drive you to find a solution - the difference being the source of psychic pain may be buried in your subconscious and will require a qualified therapist to help you root it out. Robert Robert is an author, humorist, and innovation consultant. He works with companies that want to be more com- petitive and with people who want to think like innovators. For more information on Robert, visit www.jumpstartyourmeeting.com or contact him via e-mail at admin@ worldwidedrillingresource.com • Simple installation • Trouble-free operation For more information call: (270) 786-3010 or visit us online: www.geothermalsupply.com Atlantis Vault 3#-0 $ 0!5&-0$14)**% *-5#%,2%0 *--. .3+. +-$3*%1 !0% !4!)* !"*% &-0 "-2( 0%1)$%,2)!* !,$ #-++%0#)!* '0-3,$ *--. (%!2),' !,$ #--*),' 1712%+1 -+.!2)"*% 5)2( 2(%1% .3+.1 03,$&-1 ) *- *-5#%,2%01 #!, "% #-, &)'30%$ 5)2( -0 .3+. 3,)21 2- +!2#( $)&&%0%,2 *-!$ 0%/3)0%+%,21 0-$3#21 ),#*3$% *-5#%,2%01 %-2(%0+!* *-1%$ --. )22),'1 %.*!#%+%,2 3+.1 -1% )21 !,$ ##%11-0)%1 !0)!"*% .%%$ 3+.1 (-,% !6