WorldWide Drilling Resource

37 WorldWide Drilling Resource ® AUGUST 2014 The Un-Comfort Zone II by Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. Warning: Your Self-Beliefs are NOT Secret! In the mid-1980s when I was living in New York City, my girlfriend thought it would be impressive if I were to become a stockbroker. To please her, I applied to a local Merrill Lynch office. With a recommendation from a friend who was a Merrill Lynch broker in my hometown, they put me in a four-week internship program. At the end of the four weeks, I had a meeting with the manager who would determine if she would offer me a posi- tion. She said, “You are qualified for this job, and you performed all the assigned tasks well, and yet I can’t seem to make a decision about hiring you. There is something about you, I can’t put my fin- ger on it, that is making me hesitate.” I could’ve told her what it was - I didn’t really want to be there. I didn’t like the work. I didn’t see myself as a stockbroker. I saw myself as a writer. Nevertheless, I had worked hard to get the job because I wanted to make my girlfriend happy. It was fascinating to me that the manager was able to sense my own reticence. She may have read my body lan- guage which is controlled by the sub- conscious mind. Through subtle changes in our bodies (posture, gestures, facial expression, eye movement, etc.), we project to others our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Some people are better than others at reading these signs. It’s what makes poker players successful, and the TV show Lie to Me so much fun to watch. It is our self-beliefs - many of which are held subconsciously - that guide our lives, often without our being aware of it. They affect our work, relationships, even our hobbies and leisure activities. Our self-beliefs are extremely pow- erful. I’ve noticed when I try to force myself to do something I fear, don’t want to do, or goes against my morals, my body responds accordingly. I’ve even developed actual physical symptoms (rashes, hair loss, and others) when I’ve attempted to go against my beliefs. Self-perception will affect the out- come of your pursuits and can determine success or failure. Henry Ford said, “If you believe you can or believe you can’t; you’re right.” A positive self-belief will produce confidence and success. A neg- ative self-belief in our abilities will make us flinch in the moment of opportunity. We subconsciously broadcast our self-belief, which affects the way others perceive and treat us. I’ve written pre- viously how I was bullied as a kid be- cause of my fears. I recall my father telling me, “Son you’ve got to stop wear- ing your heart on your sleeve.” He was telling me to stop being so sensitive and easy to hurt; I should hide my feelings when my classmates called me “Baby Bobby.” Easier said than done - the prob- lem was I believed it. Benjamin Franklin once said, “The sting in any rebuke is the truth.” If there wasn’t any truth, I wouldn’t have believed them; and I would not have reacted so strongly and visibly to my tormentors. If I didn’t believe them, I would’ve found it absurd and laughed at their name-calling. A hindering self-belief of “I am not good enough” might be resolved with positive affirmations, visualization, or praise from others. However, if it is a subconscious belief, as is most often the case, then it may take a therapist to help change it. According to Jonathan Darling, a group therapist in South Carolina, “If your self-image is negative, then your treatment outcome will also be negative, and ultimately your life. When working with my patients, I take the emphasis away from the negatives, and remind them that the way forward is through focusing on their positive qualities and not on their failings. You build on that, then come back around with renewed energy to work on the flaws.” Many people decry fashion adver- tising because it creates a false image in women’s minds of what they should look like. When we compare ourselves to others, it can have a positive or a negative effect on our self-belief. Some- times just knowing someone else has achieved what you want can motivate you to succeed. Other times it can have the opposite effect. When my coaching clients become discouraged by seeing others’ success, I remind them the per- son they are comparing themselves to may have a back story that includes advantages my client has not enjoyed, which makes it an unfair comparison. Orrin Woodward, an author and leader- ship consultant has said, “Most people overestimate others' talents and under- estimate their own.” Staying motivated means keeping focused on your goals while holding your negative thoughts in check. Developing a positive self-perception begins with facing your fears and having compas- sion for yourself. Begin the process of changing your self-beliefs today. Robert Robert is an author, humorist, and innovation consultant. He works with companies that want to be more com- petitive and with people who want to think like innovators. For more information on Robert, visit www.jumpstartyourmeeting.com or contact him via e-mail at admin@ worldwidedrillingresource.com