WorldWide Drilling Resource

The Un-Comfort Zone II by Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. Boundaries 101 ~ Motivated by “No” As a creative, I routinely defy bound- aries. After all it’s what thinking outside the box is all about. On the other hand, before you break the rules, it helps if you’ve shown you know them first. For example, before Pablo Picasso started painting women with two eyes on the same side of their faces, he showed the art world he could paint a traditional portrait. As a result, he is rec- ognized as one of the greatest artists of all time. By contrast, artist Robert Motherwell never worked within accept- ed conventions, and subsequently few people like, understand, or even know his work. Whether they are physical, social, or emotional, generally speaking, bound- aries are designed to keep people from killing each other. I used to have a neighbor who let her dog poop on my beautifully manicured zoysia grass every day. Then on the day I erected a fence, she asked, “Robert, why are you put- ting up a fence?” I smiled and quoted the most famous line from Robert Frost’s poem Mending Wall , “Good fences make good neigh- bors.” I don’t think she got it, but at least I was able to walk barefoot in my back- yard again. When it comes to work, boundaries have served me well. Back in the day, when I was struggling to make a name for myself as an advertising copywriter, I got a call from an advertising agency owner offering me a freelance job. It was a big job that would pay a lot of money, and it was the first job he ever offered me. There was a problem; he wanted it by the next day. It was the sort of job I would normally spend two weeks on. I asked him if he could give me more time. He said no. So I turned down the job, explaining I needed more time to give him quality work. Alas, it turned out to be my one shot - he never offered me another opportunity. Sure, I could’ve ignored my standards - my boundaries - taken the job, and turned in some [sloppy] work, but I chose to maintain my integrity and protect my reputation. As a parent, I feel I also did a good job setting boundaries - ones that taught my kids to be cautious, respectful, and caring. It’s funny, but as much as I under- stood boundaries in other areas of my life, I never “got them” when it came to romantic relationships. I recognized other people’s boundaries, but I couldn’t cre- ate my own. I’ve always subscribed to this quote from science fiction writer, Robert Heinlein: “Love is the condition in which the happiness of another per- son is essential to your own.” Now, you might think it’s a formula for codependency; however, there is nothing wrong with the sentiment - unless it is not reciprocated. That was my prob- lem. I didn’t know how to set boundaries on the lengths to which I would go to ensure the happiness of my lover. I would give and give and give, thinking if I gave enough it would be returned. Unfortunately, it never was. I didn’t set boundaries because I was afraid of losing the relationship. I came by this fear honestly. My parents did not have emotional boundaries. My 38 JUNE 2014 WorldWide Drilling Resource ® Wilson cont’d on page 42.