WorldWide Drilling Resource

23 WorldWide Drilling Resource ® FEBRUARY 2015 Relationship Tip by Tim Connor The Peril of Assumptions Assume: To accept that something is true without checking or confirming it. Ever done it? Come on...you do it everyday - sometimes consciously, and more frequently unconsciously. When you make any assumption, sooner or later, you set yourself up for disappointment, frustration, guilt, resent- ment, anger - none of which are emo- tionally healthy. And when you feel these emotions, you will almost always project them toward others or your circumstances in some way - usually nonproductive. Why Do We Assume? For starters, we want control over many of life's circumstances, and even the people in our lives. We assume be- cause we want life to always “go our way". We want things to be the way we want them to be, regardless of whether we have the ability or right to these agendas or expectations. We are all on our own unique life path with varied ex- periences, life approaches, lessons, and goals. We all want many of the same things, like happiness, success, and con- tentment; but how we define and pursue them is unique to each of us. When we expect others or life to accommodate these personal needs, expecting people to put us first in every way, we will always set ourselves up for disappointment. If you have ever experienced dis- appointment in any relationship or circum- stance, I will guarantee it was because you had an expectation (an assumption) that something would or should happen, or a person should behave or react ac- cording to your plans, needs, or agendas. When we assume, we usually do it with less than adequate information or knowledge about a situation or person. The result is, it or they often leave us feeling vulnerable or even a victim, and these are mind-sets most people don't want to experience, but they continue to make more and more assumptions. Think about an assumption you made today about a person (employee, customer, child, spouse, friend) - what was the out- come if you or the other person didn't have a clear understanding of your expecta- tion, need, or desire? Confusion? Mis- understanding? Disappointment? Conflict? The single word that defines the issue of assumptions is - should: • People should honor their prom- ises. • People should always tell the truth. • People should be polite, under- standing, or compassionate. • People should respond to your e-mails, texts, or calls immediately. This is just as true for circumstances: • There should never be a traffic back-up when you are in a hurry. • Planes should be on time. • There should never be a line when you want to make a purchase. Am I making myself clear here? I could give you thousands of examples, but why not think about some of your continued assumptions (expectations, attitudes, beliefs, or mind-sets). Stop for a minute and consider a current or pend- ing assumption you have about some- thing or someone. Consequences of Assumptions There are very few positives when it comes to making assumptions, and the reason is simple - we set ourselves up for disillusionment when we assume others’ agendas should mirror our own. But the issue is greater than short-term disappointment. When we constantly have assumptions for others, we send a subtle message that their behavior needs to change. This personal agenda will, over time, erode the trust and respect in a relationship - both of which are vital for enduring, positive relationships. The other long-term impact is due to people living with the relentless inte- rior fear they will never be able to live up to your needs, desires, or requirements to make you happy or even content with the state of the relationship. How to Manage Your Assumptions Let me share a few approaches you can begin to incorporate into your mind- sets to better deal with your assumptive approach to life: • We will never be perfect in the eyes of others ~ so stop trying. • Sooner or later we all disappoint others in some way ~ it is what it is. • Life happens. We can't control everything all the time ~ so accept it. • Everyone's reality is based on their perceptual interpretations ~ you can't control their interpretations or their reality. • You've heard it - assume = make an ass out of you and me. • Learn to manage your expecta- tions ~ they are yours only, and do not determine others’ behavior. • You can't please everyone all the time ~ we all have very personal needs, desires, and dreams. • Avoid the set-up ~ always say what you mean and mean what you say, and ask the same of others. My approach is simple; when I ex- pect an outcome or want something to happen, I will be excited and delighted when and if it does - and I won't be dis- appointed if it doesn't come to fruition. In His service, Tim To receive Tim’s weekly FREE motivational booster articles, contact him at www.timconnor.com with “please add me to your free booster e-mail subscriber list” in the subject line. Or contact him via e-mail at michele@ worldwidedrillingresource.com ," ''- % #++#++#))# %% *#%% *+ (',#'-#'! - ,#(' &#' * " ," ''- % #++#++#))# %% *#%% *+ (',#'-#'! - ,#(' &#' * /#%% " % , ," (-,"/ +, #++#++#))# (&&-'#,1 (% % ! !#(' % (*$ (* . %()& ', * #'#'! ', * #' -&&#, #++#++#))# "#+ + &#' * )*(.# + ' 0 %% ', ())(*,-'#,1 (* *#%%#'! ' )-&) #'+, %% * (',* ,(*+ *(& %% (. * ," '#, , , + +& - /(*$ (* ) &+/ ) 2 /// +& - -&&#, #++#++#))# *- *1