The “Idiots” Corner by “Billy Bob Smith” Stupid Résumés Need a job? Hiring people? Hired the wrong people? Not sure who to hire? These can be chal- lenging times with a lot of people looking for new or better jobs, and a lot of organizations who need real talent to fill their open positions. Well, I thought I would share with you just one of the challenges when it comes to either looking for a job or hiring others - the résumé. First, let me share a few résumé summaries (yes, these are actual résumés I found - no added or deleted stuff of mine) I found on some social media sites. Tell me if you have a clue what they are saying or doing. These are just snippets of their entire résumés. Résumé #1 : Create strong process flows and diagrams relative to business requirements. Elicit and document functional requirements that are aligned to the goals of projects. Generate and prioritize user stories that developers can develop against and manage the backlog to ensure a successful release that delivers to the expectation. Résumé #2 : Through my experience in working with (blank business), communities and individuals on the micro and macro development level, I would like to embark on ensuring capital investment into global markets. Résumé #3 : Experienced and extremely passionate about providing turn-key and cost-effective options for new physicians and health professionals who want to integrate biometrics, health technology, and immediate revenue streams into their practice which are in alignment with the principles of naturopathic medicine, biomedicine etc. Résumé #4 : The life cycle of a solution can be measured in days, but a genuine idea can last forever. And enduring ideas create greater brand appeal for consumers. That’s why I like to work with clients who have a clear grasp of their challenge. It leaves me free to focus on the solution. Had enough? I know I have! Here’s just one more I couldn’t resist: Résumé #5 : I radiate a sincere passion for delivering value and benefits to my clientele. With an enthusiastic and genuinely curious nature, I have the ability to cultivate relationships, rapport, and trust with almost anyone, and then being able to broker those relationships to make key connections between people. Creating partnerships underpinning alliances and motivating forward momentum to “get things done”. I am one of those people. Here’s a few comments from some hiring managers I chatted with when I asked them what was the dumbest things they ever saw on a résumé: j “None of my references like me, so please don’t believe what they say.” j “My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.” j “I seek challenges that test my mind and body since the two are usually inseparable.” j “Hire me and you won’t regret it - I am funny, cute, smart, and creative . . . really.” j Your reason for leaving your last job. “They stopped paying me.” Let me close with some basic advice from a guy who has been dealing with idiots his entire life. 1) Don’t believe anything you see on a résumé. 2) Don’t believe everything you hear from references. 3) If you hire an idiot and don’t know it at the time - get rid of them as soon as you can. Good luck, y’all. Billy Bob Contact him via e-mail to michele@ worldwidedrillingresource.com “Words, words, just words. Most people lie or at the least ‘misrepresent’ some aspect of their life or career on a résumé when they need or want a job - so don’t believe everything you read.” ~Billy Bob 20 JUNE 2020 WorldWide Drilling Resource ® The dust on butterflies and moths are modified hairs called scales.