WorldWide Drilling Resource

The Un-Comfort Zone II by Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. Facebook Drama Triangle - I stormed in on my white horse and lost a friend. Recently, I posted an article on Facebook about a high school kid who was punished severely for something I considered to be a minor infraction. My friend (Jay) posted he thought the kid deserved the punishment. Another friend, Pat, then posted, “Jay, you’re an a--!” (I have changed my friends’ names to protect their privacy.) I was disturbed by Pat’s post, so I deleted it, and e-mailed him privately asking him to challenge Jay’s assump- tions and arguments, but to avoid name- calling. He wrote me back, telling me I was spineless for trying to make every- one play nice in the sandbox. Then he unfriended me on Facebook. Now, I have been friends with both of these men for more than 40 years. So I was shocked Pat unfriended me. I thought I was just encouraging some healthy debate, but on closer examina- tion of my motives, I realize I was trying to protect Jay. I created a drama trian- gle casting Jay as the victim, Pat as the villain, and myself as the hero. (Ironically, Jay probably doesn’t even know he was a victim because I most likely deleted the post before he had a chance to see it.) In hindsight, I should have simply stayed out of it, and Pat would still be my friend. The traditional drama triangle refers to the three roles as victim, persecutor, and rescuer. I have a rich history of being a rescuer. I recall fixing things around an ex-girlfriend’s house she had shown no interest in fixing, nor had she asked me to fix them; then I was disap- pointed when she showed little or no appreciation for the work I had done (thus casting myself into the role of vic- tim). I am guilty of being a helicopter par- ent trying to spare my children from the trials and pains of life. My sons finally asked me to stop helping them unless they asked for it (smart kids!). As a 25-year-old, I was proud of myself for rescuing my ex-wife from the filth and crime of New York City by mov- ing her to Atlanta (she did want this). Yet by doing this, and several other res- cues, she came to expect me to always satisfy her needs - often at the expense of mine. Even my Facebook post was an attempt to rescue (from afar), the kid who was punished, by bringing atten- tion to his plight. In my defense, I came by my res- cuer personality honestly. My mother, a narcissist, was always creating drama triangles from which I was expected to save her. Someone would “hurt her feelings” and I would assure her I loved her unconditionally to make her “feel better.” This is what I learned growing up, and it is a pattern I have followed religiously. I was unaware of the concept of drama triangles until I began therapy a few years ago. My therapist explained it to me, but I was resistant at first. I liked being a rescuer - I like helping people. I enjoy sharing what I have learned: showing elementary school kids how to deal with bullies; showing busi- ness owners how to increase sales with advertising; showing people how to think more creatively; and so on. The trick is learning when people actually want my help, and whether or not it is really needed. I need to pause and determine if the situation is a drama triangle in the making - then stay the h--- out of it! It’s time for me to retire my white hat, before I lose any more friends. Robert Robert is a motivational speaker and humorist. He works with compa- nies that want to be more competitive and with people who want to think like innovators. For more information on Robert’s programs, visit www.jumpstartyourmeeting.com or contact him via e-mail at admin@ worldwidedrillingresource.com 62 JULY 2013 WorldWide Drilling Resource ® Send your deals to: promotions@ worldwidedrillingresource.com Darren Swolley with SIMCO ® Drilling Equipment of Osceola, Iowa, and Ted Thayer of Thayer Well Drilling, Beaverton, Michigan, brave the cold to show off this SIMCO ® rig. Photo by WWDR . MGWA Dealmakers!